Thanksgiving is a great time of year to pause and celebrate. Here are a few ideas to help you embrace the time.
Two resources to build relationships
“love is not the icing on the cake of life. It is a basic primary need, like oxygen or water.” -Dr. Sue Johnson
One of the six spokes of life that we need to develop to create a healthy life is our relationships.
I wanted to take a moment and share about two people that I have found some great resources that have helped me.
The first is Dr. Sue Johnson.
I first came across her as I was preparing for a teaching series on marriage. I ended up reading her book, “Hold me tight: Seven conversations for a lifetime of love.”
A great place to start to be introduced to her work would be the videos she has on her site – https://drsuejohnson.com/videos/
Dr. Johnson has developed some great work around love and Emotionally Focused Couple Therapy (EFT).
The second person is Dr. Henry cloud.
He is a leadership expert and clinical psychologist. This past summer, I read one of his books on boundaries for parents. He has a whole series on this topic, and I highly recommend his work.
He has a podcast you can check out here – https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-boundaries-me-podcast/id1488880049
As well on youtube and Facebook (May 2020), he has a live video with a call in. You can check it out – https://www.youtube.com/user/DrHenryCloud
He has some great articles on setting boundaries in our relationships.
Both of these have been two resources that have been helpful in my life.
What about you? What resources have helped your relationships?
Being a hero, when the story is not about us
Some times we have to be a hero, but the story is about another hero. One of the things I have learned in life is that there are no lone rangers. Every successful person, on top of just dumb luck, has had people help them.
In the movie and story “Lord of the Rings,” Samwise is a hero, but the story is not about him. The story is about Frodo’s quest to destroy the ring of power. The character of Samwise is great and heroic. He spends himself for Frodo’s success.
I wonder what that looks likes in our homes, with our families, at work. Are there things that call us to heroism even though we might not be the central part of the story.
Heor’s have integrity.
Heros stand up for themselves.
Heros are ok with not being in the limelight.
I interviewed a group of men and asked who has been an influencer in your life.
Each shared with me about someone or a group of someones, that showed them a new way and took an interest in their life. Often it was not filled with fireworks, sometimes perhaps, but many times not. It was simple, consistent, faithful.
Perhaps you are in a chapter of your story, intersecting with other people’s stories, and you are not the hero. A true hero is ok with that because they know life is not all about them.
Some questions that may help for this moment of the journey?
What are you learning about yourself right now?
What are about the role you play?
Where do you need to stand up for yourself, with integrity?
How can you be content but still work on your goals?
We all need to be a hero for someone who will you, be one for today?
Keeping Date nights in COVID-19 days
It is no secret that relationships are challenged during this crisis with COVID-19. For many, being stuck at home, trying to work from home is stressful.
Take a deep breath.
As I looked at the calendar, I noticed my wife and I had scheduled a date night. At the time of writing this, that means going out for cheap wing night.
But we are stuck in the house. So I picked up some chicken wings alongside the groceries we needed for life. Does anyone feel like their kids are eating more during this time? I sure do.
I set up with the kids to eat supper in the basement while watching a movie. My wife and I ate chicken wings upstairs, and we chatted.
It was not the same, but both of us believed we should do something.
Relationships are one of the spokes we need to feed and build in our wheel of life.
How are you feeding and caring and developing relationships, good memories or experiences with those you love now.
5 Tips for informal coaching mentoring
Making disciples starts by one person informally or formally investing in another.
The coaching/mentoring is a relational experience through which one person journeys with another by sharing God-given resources. It is understood chiefly as coming alongside someone and offering them support, accountability, and a listening ear in any and all aspects of life. Each experience has clearly defined start and finish times. The goal is to help the other person fully enter, engage and experience the life they were created for.
It carries the idea of formal relationships. However, I have come to understand that we all have many informal opportunities to invest in people’s lives.
5 Tips for informal coaching-mentoring
1. It’s not about you –
Often we can see people only as their value to help us reach our own personal goals. The life that Jesus us calls us to is a life that helps others be all they were created to be.
“For everyone looks out for his own interests, not those of Jesus Christ” Philippians 2:21
2. Listen –
In a world of many distractions and anxiety, we struggle to simply slow down and listen to people. Often people are guarded in what they say and there are good reasons for this. This being said, people will often give hints about what is really going on beyond the surface of their life–the life that society sees. However if we do not take a listening posture we miss much of what is going on. Listen with the intention to hear the story and driving forces in people’s lives.
Sometimes the biggest investment we will make is being a listening ear.
3. Make time for relationships –
It all amazes me in the church as people gather on a Sunday morning. Many rush off as soon as the service is over. Now most of our buildings are not designed well for developing relationships. However, people often do not give margin in their life to make time for relationships. To fulfill the great commission we need to make time for relationships. Some of the great conversation we see Jesus in come as he bumps into people during the day.
4. Learn to ask good questions. –
This is a hard one and often only comes with practice. There is always a need to develop discernment if this is the right time to ask deeper questions or a least one that is going to bring further conversation.
Asking good questions helps the person process which then keeps the focus on them. This is not about you giving the answers, even if you know what they should do. It is about helping them discover. There can be time to give advice and often it will be invited.
5. Pray –
Take time to pray with people. Like the guys in Mark 2 who lowered the man through the roof of someone’s house in order to get him to Jesus. Prayer is about taking people to Jesus.
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As followers of Jesus, we all will have an opportunity for informal investment in others. Opportunities for the great commission come every week. However, you need to be intentional and full of grace.