As a dad, I often feel like I am being pulled in many directions. The reality is I cannot give 100% all the time in every direction and cannot be in all places.
One of the hardest things when a new child comes into a family is the new rhythms or schedules. Time management becomes even more important.
In my journey I went from zero kids to three in one day, and then we added another son eight years later. I knew because of already having kids, there were different seasons or rhythms. Life was always changing as the older three grew. My hardest part at times was prioritizing items on the “to-do”_ list. But, going back to diapers again was a big challenge to time management, among other things.
Here are a few things I have found helpful:
1. Review your values – What is important? You will find time for what is important. Sometimes we say something is important, but our calendar will reveal something else.
2. Use a calendar and establish routine. Block off time even dates nights with family and your spouse. There are two things that have been good for me. One, I block off Friday nights from 4 pm on as family nights. My kids know it is pizza night and we watch a movie, play board games or in the summer go out to a park. The second thing is that I let my wife have access to my calendar. She sees where my appointments are, and what I hope to be doing. She can also can add in appointments for our kids’ or family.
3. Interruptions are not always bad. – This is one I am still working at. This is life and sometimes the best things happen in interruptions. We need to have some room for margin in our life. We need to have some grace. Grace for ourselves, the kids and your spouse .
4. Get Sleep – You cannot burn the candle at both ends without it catching up to you. You need to find ways to get some sleep. If you just had a baby or have young kids, this is going to be really hard, and so you must work harder to find a good balance. . Getting enough sleep is important for many areas of life. (I read an interesting article by Travis Bradberry called “Sleep Deprivation Is Killing You and Your Career” @ http://www.entrepreneur.com/)
5. Pit crew – You need one person or a group you can check in with that can help you focus, see options and keep you going. Perhaps this could be a role for a coach or mentor to guide you.
6. Communication with your wife. – This will not be easy but you must work at it in order to help. You need to be honest, and give and take at times.
7. ________________________ – What about you? If you have a tip let me know. Post a comment, send me a tweet @Matthew_Laker or matthew@matthewlaker.com
What have you found helpful? Send me a tweet
I met with a couple of fathers, who I would still put into the category of “new fatherhood”. As we shared, it was clear everyone was feeling busy and trying to figure out fatherhood. Before writing this, I came home from a night time meeting and jumped right into feeding our youngest a bottle. As I put him to bed, I had to help my older son finish making his bed, which should have been done earlier in the day. All I wanted was to get some supper and watch the football game. Being a parent and working is a tough and busy road to walk. However, I am convinced of a few thing.
The journey into fatherhood is different for everyone. My journey with fatherhood began with triplets. Like many, my story starts with my wife and I wanting to have children. After three years of trying, nothing happened.
At the same time, we called the church to pray for us. At the time, only a few knew the challenges we were having. The pastor, elders, and others laid hands on my wife and prayed over us.
