Fatherhood and Time Management

timeAs a dad, I often feel like I am being pulled in many directions. The reality is I cannot give 100% all the time in every direction and cannot be in all places.

One of the hardest things when a new child comes into a family is the new rhythms or schedules. Time management becomes even more important.

In my journey I went from zero kids to three in one day, and then we added another son eight years later. I knew because of already having kids, there were different seasons or rhythms. Life was always changing as the older three grew. My hardest part at times was prioritizing items on the “to-do”_ list. But, going back to diapers again was a big challenge to time management, among other things.

Here are a few things I have found helpful:

1. Review your values – What is important? You will find time for what is important. Sometimes we say something is important, but our calendar will reveal something else.

2. Use a calendar and establish routine. Block off time even dates nights with family and your spouse. There are two things that have been good for me. One, I block off Friday nights from 4 pm on as family nights. My kids know it is pizza night and we watch a movie, play board games or in the summer go out to a park. The second thing is that I let my wife have access to my calendar. She sees where my appointments are, and what I hope to be doing. She can also can add in appointments for our kids’ or family.

3. Interruptions are not always bad. – This is one I am still working at. This is life and sometimes the best things happen in interruptions. We need to have some room for margin in our life. We need to have some grace. Grace for ourselves, the kids and your spouse .

4. Get Sleep – You cannot burn the candle at both ends without it catching up to you. You need to find ways to get some sleep. If you just had a baby or have young kids, this is going to be really hard, and so you must work harder to find a good balance. . Getting enough sleep is important for many areas of life. (I read an interesting article by Travis Bradberry called “Sleep Deprivation Is Killing You and Your Career” @ http://www.entrepreneur.com/)

5. Pit crew – You need one person or a group you can check in with that can help you focus, see options and keep you going. Perhaps this could be a role for a coach or mentor to guide you.

6. Communication with your wife. – This will not be easy but you must work at it in order to help. You need to be honest, and give and take at times.

7. ________________________ – What about you? If you have a tip let me know. Post a comment, send me a tweet @Matthew_Laker or matthew@matthewlaker.com

What have you found helpful? Send me a tweet

The Fatherhood Journey: Reflection in the Mirror

 

The Fatherhood Journey is a shaping journey.  

In ones’ journey of fatherhood, what if God speaks to us through our children?   I am convinced that God uses relationships to mold and shape us.  father2

I remember a moment with my son when I was angry about something he did or did not do.  In that moment it was as if a mirror came up between us, with Matthew 7:3 written in the corner. 

Matthew 7:3 “Why do you look at the speck of saw dust in your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye?”

God will use our children and relationships to shape us into the image of Christ. 

I have learned that as I guide and lead my children, they will pick up the good and bad elements of my life.  My children will make their own choices, but as a father, I have a scary amount of influence on them. 

When I react to my son because he forgets to do something, I am shaping him.  As my son watches how I treat his mom, or speaks about his mom, I am shaping him.  As he watches how I spend my time, it rubs off on him.  It is scary to sit your child down to share with them how they cannot react in a certain way or do something.  Then, up comes the mirror and I see my reflection.

Matthew 7:3 “Why do you look at the speck of saw dust in your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye?”

I understand one of the best things I can do for my children is to work on my own holiness in my relationship with Jesus Christ. 

When you get upset with your child, ask why?  No, really ask yourself, why are you upset?  Is it because you believe yourself to be the centre of the universe?

It can be hard to see your reflection, and your brokenness in the mirror.  However, God is gracious enough and good enough.  I think in our children, he is sending a little reminder there is still some molding to be done in our life.  The challenge as a father is, will we accept the reality of the image in the mirror, and listen to Jesus?

John 10:10b ” I have come that they may have life and have it to the full”

An exercise for all (and you do not have to be a Father).

Take a moment and list the traits you do not like in your child, or another relationship. 

Now which of those traits do you see in yourself that you tend to forget about?

Ask what is there in them, that is in me, that I am reacting against?

Take this list to prayer and ask God to show you something you do not yet know about yourself.  Begin in confession and seek his help in removing the plank in your own eye.  Then begin to look at what steps he is calling you to walk.  Share with a close friend to help you. 

A New Father

A New Father

The beginning of my fatherhood journey

18678_317555976347_4751200_nThe journey into fatherhood is different for everyone.   My journey with fatherhood began with triplets.  Like many, my story starts with my wife and I wanting to have children.  After three years of trying, nothing happened.

 

Like many couples who struggle to have children, my wife went to the doctor.  During that time, we had conversations about how far, medically, we were willing to go to have children.   What if we could not have children?  This question stirred a serious talk about adoption as a viable possibility.

For a good resource on Adoption check out –
http://waitingtobelong.ca/end-the-wait

 

We began some medication, and were warned that we could have multiples  with this medication. We were told not to worry, as the chances were less than 1%.  It just does not happen on this dosage.

 

18678_317551181347_4596777_nAt the same time, we called the church to pray for us.  At the time, only a few knew the challenges we were having.  The pastor, elders, and others laid hands on my wife and prayed over us.

 

It turned out, we were the 1% and my wife got pregnant.  Was it the drugs, was it the prayer or both? I do not know.  I am not going to say either way, except,  “Thank you Jesus”.

 

A few weeks later, through an ultrasound, we would come to find out that there were three heartbeats.  When we shared the information with our doctor, He said, “No that can’t be, this does not happen.”  He went off to get the records of the ultrasound, and sure enough there were three babies.

 

In my fatherhood journey, we went from zero to three children in one day.

 

I had many question as to how was I going to do this?  What did it mean to be a father? As I entered fatherhood, it was exciting, challenging, scary, and joyful.  I would learn once again, but in a different way my need to trust God for provision.  God would teach us great lessons in the years ahead.  In a way, these three children have become God makers in my life.18678_317551161347_5537495_n

 

Like in life, I did not have all the answers or enough money.  However, I put one foot in front of the other, and trusted God to guide my steps.  The early weeks were not without some scary moments, but we made it through.

 

To the new Fathers, I would say look to God the Father and how he guides his children.  Seek out community and keep your eyes fixed on Jesus, as you put one foot in front of the other.18678_317599881347_7763222_n

 

This is my fatherhood journey.  How did your journey begin?  What questions do you have about being a father?