True or False? You Can really be anything you want to be?

Posted on by Matthew Laker

“You can be anything you want to be,” was one of the cultural beliefs I remember hearing throughout my school years. Today this idea still seems to be a basic foundational belief in our culture.

The reality is this is just simple not true.building600x427

When American Idol first came out, people believed they were going to be pop stars and no one could tell them differently. It is true though, that someone could be rejected in that setting and still have the strength and talent to become a pop star, but the reality is, many could not. At the end of the day, many people still pursue a dream that does not align with their strengths.

This is a hard lesson to learn and accept in our life. At the same time just because we get a rejection, does not mean the dream is over. We need to adjust, and work out of our strengths. Working out of our strengths will give us greater opportunity.

As a follower of Jesus I see a connection to one of Jesus’ parables where there is a master who gives a certain amount of money to three individuals. The expectation is they invest it and then they can succeed with it. One person is not greater than the other, but each is given an amount based on their strengths and ability. If they accept that reality and work from it they can experience God deeper and have wholeness in their life.

Tom Rath in his book “Strengths Finder 2.0” shares “you cannot be anything you want to be — but you can be a lot more of who you already are”(Rath 8).[1]

Many people in North America work to try and hold up an identity they believe will bring them success. Many of us run after a false identity for too long. As I have watched and journeyed with others, the reality is we cannot be anything we want to be, but we can still be successful.

I believe we have God-given strengths that are unique to every person. Yes there are commonalities in people, but if we can understand our strengths and play to them, we can find success in life.

The greatest barrier to this will be accepting reality and not idolizing a dream that is false. If we work out of our God-given strengths, a wholeness can take shape.

Here are a few questions for reflection:

1. What are your strengths?

2. Based on your strengths, and assuming you fan their flame, how will this effect the direction of your life?

3. What skills are you needing to develop?

4. What is one step you can take this week to build on your strengths?

You may have a dream that is just a dream. However working out of your strengths will help you enter, engage and experience wholeness in life.

[1] Rath, Tom. StrengthFinder 2.0. Gallup Press. Kindle Edition.

Why Identifying Values is important.

Posted on by Matthew Laker

Understanding our values can help us engage life.

What are values and how can understanding them help us better engage in life?  Why are they important to know?

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Values are the guidelines that help shape our goals and objectives in life.     They are part of a source that helps bring fulfillment in our life.

Values affect all areas of our life.  For example, how we use our time and to whom we spend our time with are all shaped by our values.  Our values will play a major role in our decision making. They are part of our identity as individuals as well as every organization. .

Juan Carlos Jimenez shares: “When we truly believe that a set of behaviors constitute an essential cornerstone to life, we act accordingly, and don’t care what others say about it.”

For many, our values are formed in our early life as children.  As we watch our guardians, we will often take on their worldview.  As life moves forward we will be influenced and challenged by peers, which is not a bad thing.  Experience can also shape our values.  For example, if someone has a bad experience in a situation, it develops behavior in that person. Perhaps this has more to do with a natural protection of their self, but that experience creates a foundational belief and value in their life.

Values are foundational beliefs in our life that effect behavior.  Values can be changed, but that is a hard road to walk.  Change can occur as people honestly think about the implications of the things they stand for.  Sometimes values will change because of new influences in one’s life.  However changing those foundations takes work and time.

Often the greater challenge is our lived-out values compared to our stated values. They are not always the same.

It is good to spend some time reflecting on your values.  As you do that ask yourself, why do you have that value?  Why do you want to have, or live out , that value?  We hold to values because of their benefit to us, so what benefit does it bring?

Values are the things that matter most to us.

When we understand them we begin to understand the things that drive us.

Understanding them will help us to be in a better position for ourselves to enter, engage, and experience life as we were created for.

Here is an exercise to help identify your values. Click here

The Apostle Peter’s identity being challenged

Posted on by Matthew Laker

peterJesus declares, I will define who we are. “I will make you….” (Matthew 4:18-22).

When we watch the life of the Apostle Peter the more he understands who God is, the more he understands who he is.

Knowing God and knowing self are therefore interdependent” (The Gift of Being Yourself: The Sacred Call to Self-Discovery By David Benner.)

For Peter to find salvation and wholeness, he will have to walk away from the nets. However doing so is not an easy task as the nets are what have defined Peter for so long. Peter seems to have been a faithful Jew, a hard worker, and a family man. He most likely did not have an easy life, but things were average for him. His identity as a business man was as secure as it could be. Then Jesus challenges him to drop that old identity, his net, and follow him.

As we follow Jesus he is going to lead us to see our spiritual nakedness (Gen3), our true selves and our need for him.

In Luke 5:1-11, Peter’s response to Jesus is to recognize his need for Jesus and then challenges Peter’s identity. It was after raising the fish-filled nets up out of the water, that Peter runs to Jesus and shares that he is a sinner. He understands this about himself. However, as Jesus reveals more of himself to Peter, Peter moves from knowledge to experience. God wants us to be aware of our need for divine help. He wants to replace the fig leaves we grab to cover our nakedness (Gen.3:21) and give us real wholeness in our life. To do that we must see ourselves as Jesus see us.

When Jesus says to Peter, “I will make you….” (Matthew 4:18-22), Jesus declares to Peter, I will define who you are.

For us today the question becomes: will we cling to the old nets? Like Peter, will we let Jesus define us or will we let the things we do, or do not do, with our hands define us?

At times we place our self-value in what we have, what we can do and what others think of us. Yet Jesus calls us to walk away from that and drop the nets. Let him define us.

Jesus calls us to an identity that is grounded in our relationship to God the Father. Jesus came to restore our relationship with God the Father. It is as we understand who God is and what Jesus has done that we understand who we are and what we can do.

To go there we must step out of the boat and let go of things we have grabbed a hold of to define us and be honest with ourselves.

What nets do you hold on to that secure you in a false self?

Peter not only understands and comes to know God deeper but he begins to understand himself better, his true self. True self is only found in seeking and accepting God. There, Jesus declares, wholeness is found.

From the backseat to the driver’s seat of life.

Posted on by Matthew Laker

Are you taking control of your life?

driverseat bWhen we were in the car one day, one of my kids spoke up from the back seat and asked, “can we go there? I would like to.”  However, they were not the ones in the driver’s seat, I was.  Given my role as a parent in their life, I get to take the driver’s seat.  

Who’s driving your life?  Do you feel as if you are in the back seat and someone else is driving your life?   Do you find that your agenda is often filled more by responding to another’s agenda or needs?  Are there things you would like to do, but do not feel you are the one driving the car in your life? Perhaps your parents are still driving you around?

Do you want to take control of your life?

How do we get out of the backseat and drive?

Many people want to live a life that counts.  Many want to have an impactful career. Some carry dreams of having great impact on those around them.  Some want to leave an impact in their neighbourhood or in a certain field.  Many just want to get out of the hamster wheel they feel they are in, one in which they are running hard and not going anywhere.  However, to do that you are going to have to get out of the backseat of your life.

The number one thing to do to get out of the backseat of your life and drive is to:

1. Choose it.

Do you really want it?  Why do you want it?

It is going to take work and self-discipline. On a scale of 1-10, how much are you willing to change in your life?

In my circle as a follower of Jesus, sometimes we do not like the self-discipline idea because we think Jesus will make it happen. Now I believe very much we need Jesus in our life.  However, the life that he calls us to is one that involves self-discipline. 

To be self-disciplined involves taking the driver’s seat in our life.  It starts with not just I should, but I will and here is why:

This is really a mental shift and will be hard for many. You are the only one who can make this choice.

If you are serious about making changes then there are steps you can do to help.

a. Life plan

Most of us have dreams and things we would like to accomplish.  At the same time if we are going to steward the resources we have, we need a plan. We only have so much gas and time.

If you would like some help in this area, feel free to contact me about life planning and coaching. matthew@matthewlaker.com

Check out this post for how a life plan can help.

A second step to help move from the back seat to the driver’s seat is to ask yourself:

b. What new habits do you need?

Looking at your life, what are the habits that need to change, or be picked up, for you to move forward?

Understanding your “why from above” will help keep you going in developing a new habit.

Are you ready to get out of the back seat and take control of your life?

What is one step you will take today?

It is their fault or is the enemy closer?

Posted on by Matthew Laker

HD_ea0132jSometimes our own actions and attitudes are the greater enemy.

Yes, there is an enemy out there that is contributing to your problems.  But, there is also an enemy that many of us are unwilling to consider.

There was an individual who once shared this story with me. ‘I was doing the dishes in our home and cleaning up.  During this time I was getting upset with my spouse, and placing much blame.  Then I asked myself the question, ‘What have I done to contribute to the situation? The individual added, ‘It was a sad realization though, of how much I was contributing to my own frustration, and bringing tension to the relationship.’

What if instead of searching out an enemy or blaming the enemy out there, we began to reflect on what “I” have done or are doing that has contributed to the perceived problem.

“There is in each of us a propensity to find someone or something outside ourselves to blame when things go wrong”  The Fifth Discipline: The Art & Practice of The Learning Organization

We live in a time where we are very quick to blame others.  Whenever there is a problem it is caused by the enemy out there.  It is always someone else’s fault.  Think about your relationships and when conflict comes, is your first thought they or I?  When you have a business problem, is the first thought they or I?

At the beginning of the Biblical story we see Adam blaming Eve and Eve blaming the snake. We seem to try and transfer blame first, believing the enemy is out there.

We need to understand that the enemy is not always out there.  We can perceive problems as externally caused, but what if our own actions and attitudes may be coming back to hurt us?  I understand that sometimes we have done nothing to the enemy, and they are just lashing out at us and hurting us.  However, I want to challenge the idea that it is someone else’s fault for how I reacted, or for my attitude.

This is important to understand because it can help defuse a heated argument. It can help us get unstuck and lead to personal growth.  It can help your business by really understanding why something did not work out how you thought it should.

Understanding that the enemy is not always out there can lead to change that brings wholeness. Understanding that the enemy is not always out there can help you get out of the valley.

Some things to consider:

· Hit the Pause button – where can you take a deep breath and take steps back to see the full picture. This is self-evaluation.

Questions to ask:

  • How has your attitude contributed to the situation?
  • What actions have you taken that could have poured fuel on the fire?
  • Why do you think that person did that action or reacted in the way they did?
  • What attitudes and actions contributed to the problem?

Jesus put it this:

“Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye?” (Matthew 7:3)

This was not to say that the fault lies with you and you alone.  In a way he is saying the enemy is not always out there.  He is calling Jesus followers to understand how similar you are to that other person.  At the same time, there is a reality check that you may not be able to change that other person, even if you point out their sin.  You can however change yourself, and if you are going to point out a weakness or sin in another, be humble to take correction yourself.

By understanding this and asking the above questions, and by correcting your own contributions to a situation, you can take steps to greater wholeness and life success.

Do you have any great self-evaluation question to ask?