A Life plan: Admitting your reality

Posted on by Matthew Laker

A personal review is a foundational step to growth. 

If you are going to embrace, enter, and engage the life you were created for– if you are to discover a life of wholeness–it is going to involve looking at reality.  To do that you will need to hit the pause button and take a look at your life in review. monkey

Jesus shares, “how can you think of saying, ‘Friend, let me help you get rid of that speck in your eye,’ when you can’t see past the log in your own eye? Hypocrite! First get rid of the log in your own eye; then you will see well enough to deal with the speck in your friend’s eye” (Luke 6:42 NLT).

In that passage, Jesus is speaking about how we interact with others and judge them without seeing our own sin first. There is a reminder in this statement that we are both in need of God’s grace, but to find it we must admit our own sin first. It is in this passage that we also learn the value of admitting our own reality.

I was watching a season of reruns of ‘Kitchen Nightmares’ and noticed that the same thing happens in every episode: the food is bad and there are organizational issues everywhere.  However, the biggest issues are the people refusing to look at the plank in their eye.  Often they refuse to admit reality.  

In any development of a life plan, part of that plan will involve understanding your current reality.  Not only the circumstances but understanding who you are. How are you thinking and feeling?  How are your thinking and habits are leading and contributing to where you are right now?  

For many to admit their reality they are going to have to admit and identify the plank that is in their eye.  

At the end of the year, it is common for people to set goals and New Year’s resolutions.   Many of them fail because they are done on a whim and people do not really want to change.  

If you are serious about wanting to change,   you need to develop a plan and get help to work that plan.  A good place to start is by reviewing your year.  

Each December  I sit down and do a review.  I set aside some space with no distractions.  I then take a mental walk through a reflection exercise of different areas of my life, asking where am I at.

Here are four questions to help you in such an exercise.

1.  What can I celebrate in my life this past year?

2. What would I like to see changed? What is God asking me to change?

3. What were my obstacles this year?

4. What would I like to see changed next year.

Next Step: Get out your calendar and block off some time to take a review and create a game plan for the New Year.

 

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A Frist Step in Developing a Life Plan

Posted on by Matthew Laker

bike 2In developing a life plan you need to identify the areas of your life that are important.

David Fiedler, a bicycling Expert, writes about the role of Bike spokes at about.com:

Bike spokes are “a key role in the transferring of the power from your legs to the rim to make the bike go. Enormous force gets applied to the hub of a rear wheel by the chain and gearing when you pedal down hard, and together the spokes carry the power that has gone from your legs to the chain then out to the wheel. That force driving the bike forward gets distributed among many spokes in a properly aligned wheel, which people usually describe as being “in true.” When you look at weight distribution, too, even under a very heavy load many spokes help spread out the weight so that it is more evenly carried and doesn’t put too much stress on any single spoke.”

In looking at a bike wheel, what if the spokes could be an illustration for your life? What if each spoke could represent an area of your life.  As each area is working in the wheel, the wheel is able to properly roll and move you forward.  You may not have as many spokes as a bike has,   but if the spoke is not aligned right the wheel will not function correctly.

Picture your life like the wheel and the different areas of your life like the spokes. If you do not have direction in your life-spokes (the spoke is not aligned right), the wheel will not function to the best of its ability to get you moving forward.

What life-spokes do you need to get aligned in order for the wheel of your life to move forward?  Such areas to look at could include: family, physical health, career, money, education, etc.

What do you want to accomplish in those life-spokes of life?  As you understand your vision for each life-spoke, it is like aligning the wheel of your life so it can roll under the pressures, taking you from where you are to where you want to go.

For some, the wheel is falling under the pressure of life.  You need to build up the spokes and get them aligned in order to get rolling.  

The first step in building the spokes of the wheel is identifying them, just as the first step in building a life plan is identifying the important areas of your life.

Are you looking for help? Click here for an exercise.

How a Coach Can Help

Posted on by Matthew Laker

There is something powerful that can happen in a guided conversation.  In my experience, often just having someone listen and help me talk through where I am and what I need to do is of great value.

carriageToday most often when we speak about coaches, we think about sports coaches.  Historically the word “coach” itself comes from a horse drawn vehicle.   Today, the concept has expanded to an understanding of a person who guides people from where they are to greater competence and the fulfillment they desire.  For me, as a coach, I bring to the table a spiritual component,  helping people not only reach what they desire, but helping them discover where God wants them to be.

A coach can help someone get unstuck in circumstances or seasons of life.  A coach can help you figure out where you are and how to get to where you need to go.  It really is the client that does most of the work, but the coach provides tools, often through the form of questions, to help an individual take steps to become unstuck.

Coaching can help with: ad for coaching 2015

  • building confidence
  • expanding one’s vision for the future
  • reaching an individual’s or organization’s dream
  • unlocking potential
  • increasing skills
  • moving through a transition
  • practical steps toward reaching goals

A coach does not address issues such as abuse, addiction, psychosis, or dysfunction.  It is for the relatively healthy individuals who want to address a current challenge of where they are at and how they are going to get to where they want to be . It is important for the client to want and be willing to change in order to get the most out of the experience.

Coaches will focus more on strengths and current situations and moving forward.  Coaching is a relationship that is client centered and goal directed.  Each situation is unique, but most coaches will look to what  the person wants to change, or areas they want to grow in. Many will work through the obstacles and create a plan to move forward, giving accountability along the journey.

A Coach is a partner that works to help you reach a goal.  A coach is an advocate for you; they are someone looking out for you. A coach is a cheerleader, helping you celebrate wins and cheering you on.  These are just a few ways a life coach can help you.

Below is a table to help understand the difference between coaching and other relationships.

Key Distinctions between Coaching and Other Relationships

Who is the Expert?

Assumptions About the Other Person

Purpose of Questions

What is the Outcome?

Coaching

Person being coached

Healthy, ready to move forward

To promote discovery for the person being coached

New awareness and action

Counseling

Counselor

Pathology; has experienced a wound that continues to cause hurt

To provide a diagnosis and/or to better understand “why?”

Understanding and acceptance to promote healing

Mentoring

Mentor

Experiencing circumstances similar to those previously faced by the mentor

The one being mentored asks questions to solicit advice and gather information

The one who is mentored resembles the mentor in knowledge and action

Discipling

Discipler

A follower of Christ who wants to learn and grow

Often scripted or planned in advance, aimed at learning from Scripture

A clearer understanding of Scripture and closer walk with God

Why Identifying Values is important.

Posted on by Matthew Laker

Understanding our values can help us engage life.

What are values and how can understanding them help us better engage in life?  Why are they important to know?

valueeye

Values are the guidelines that help shape our goals and objectives in life.     They are part of a source that helps bring fulfillment in our life.

Values affect all areas of our life.  For example, how we use our time and to whom we spend our time with are all shaped by our values.  Our values will play a major role in our decision making. They are part of our identity as individuals as well as every organization. .

Juan Carlos Jimenez shares: “When we truly believe that a set of behaviors constitute an essential cornerstone to life, we act accordingly, and don’t care what others say about it.”

For many, our values are formed in our early life as children.  As we watch our guardians, we will often take on their worldview.  As life moves forward we will be influenced and challenged by peers, which is not a bad thing.  Experience can also shape our values.  For example, if someone has a bad experience in a situation, it develops behavior in that person. Perhaps this has more to do with a natural protection of their self, but that experience creates a foundational belief and value in their life.

Values are foundational beliefs in our life that effect behavior.  Values can be changed, but that is a hard road to walk.  Change can occur as people honestly think about the implications of the things they stand for.  Sometimes values will change because of new influences in one’s life.  However changing those foundations takes work and time.

Often the greater challenge is our lived-out values compared to our stated values. They are not always the same.

It is good to spend some time reflecting on your values.  As you do that ask yourself, why do you have that value?  Why do you want to have, or live out , that value?  We hold to values because of their benefit to us, so what benefit does it bring?

Values are the things that matter most to us.

When we understand them we begin to understand the things that drive us.

Understanding them will help us to be in a better position for ourselves to enter, engage, and experience life as we were created for.

Here is an exercise to help identify your values. Click here

Why People Get Stuck

Posted on by Matthew Laker

Keith Yamashita, in his book “Unstuck” shares 7  reason why individuals and organizations feel stuck.

mud 640x427 titleI first read about these reason in Gary Collins book, “Christian Coaching, Second Edition: Helping Others Turn Potential into Reality (Walking with God) .”  What I like about the list is just that it is a list.  It becomes a tool to help an individual or organization who already knows they are stuck to put words to it.  

Let me give you the list and then provide some reflection questions at the end. 

7 reasons why people get stuck:

Overwhelmed: This involves a feeling that there is too much work, too much scrutiny, or too little time, energy, or people to get everything done. When the tasks ahead feel huge, there is procrastination and uncertainty about where to begin.

Exhausted: Tired people lack energy. They tend to lose vision, purpose, and enthusiasm. Team camaraderie fades. Patience is in short supply. Conflicts and criticism are more in evidence. Everything stalls.

Directionless: Everyone may be busy and working through to-do lists, but sometimes there is no vision or big picture of the future. Team members have no common goal, so each works independently and progress is limited.

Hopeless: When there is no sense of achievement (often because there is no clear purpose), the motivation to keep working dries up, successes become fewer and the effort does not seem worthwhile.

Surrounded by conflict: It is difficult to keep moving forward in the midst of disagreements, communication breakdowns, misunderstandings, and gossip. This is like a dysfunctional family trying to plan a wedding or family reunion.

Worthless: Motivation and progress stall when individuals or team members feel unappreciated, overlooked, unrewarded, or unacknowledged.

Alone: This is a feeling of isolation that may come to a whole team, company, or church. Each individual works independently with no sense of belonging, identity, team spirit, or camaraderie. Often this comes because there is no visionary leader who unites people into a common purpose.

My Observations about the list:

  • There is a big connection between our emotions and feeling stuck and getting unstuck.  
  • Your mindset acts like a rudder in your life.
  • The need for creating a life plan can be a great asset. .
  • There is a need for personal/organizational systems and the understanding of who you are and where you are going to get unstuck.
  • Lack of community can lead to the reasons or at least feed them. 
  • Someone who is stuck has a higher reality of not taking time for personal reflection and stillness.  
  • The Jesus follower is not centering oneself on Jesus.

Reflection Questions:

1. Which one of those seven is where you are at?

2. What are you not believing about Jesus right now?

3. What are you not believing about yourself as Jesus see you?

4. From the position of the reason you’re stuck. What false image of your self are you trying to hold up?

5. What are two-three options to step out of the mud and walk away?  Who could help you step out?