From the backseat to the driver’s seat of life.

Posted on October 12, 2015October 12, 2015 by Matthew Laker

Are you taking control of your life?

When we were in the car one day, one of my kids spoke up from the back seat and asked, “can we go there? I would like to.” However, they were not the ones in the driver’s seat, I was. Given my role as a parent in their life, I get to take the driver’s seat.

Who’s driving your life? Do you feel as if you are in the back seat and someone else is driving your life? Do you find that your agenda is often filled more by responding to another’s agenda or needs? Are there things you would like to do, but do not feel you are the one driving the car in your life? Perhaps your parents are still driving you around?

Do you want to take control of your life?

How do we get out of the backseat and drive?

Many people want to live a life that counts. Many want to have an impactful career. Some carry dreams of having great impact on those around them. Some want to leave an impact in their neighbourhood or in a certain field. Many just want to get out of the hamster wheel they feel they are in, one in which they are running hard and not going anywhere. However, to do that you are going to have to get out of the backseat of your life.

The number one thing to do to get out of the backseat of your life and drive is to:

1. Choose it.

Do you really want it? Why do you want it?

It is going to take work and self-discipline. On a scale of 1-10, how much are you willing to change in your life?

In my circle as a follower of Jesus, sometimes we do not like the self-discipline idea because we think Jesus will make it happen. Now I believe very much we need Jesus in our life. However, the life that he calls us to is one that involves self-discipline.

To be self-disciplined involves taking the driver’s seat in our life. It starts with not just I should, but I will and here is why:

This is really a mental shift and will be hard for many. You are the only one who can make this choice.

If you are serious about making changes then there are steps you can do to help.

a. Life plan

Most of us have dreams and things we would like to accomplish. At the same time if we are going to steward the resources we have, we need a plan. We only have so much gas and time.

If you would like some help in this area, feel free to contact me about life planning and coaching. matthew@matthewlaker.com

Check out this post for how a life plan can help.

A second step to help move from the back seat to the driver’s seat is to ask yourself:

b. What new habits do you need?

Looking at your life, what are the habits that need to change, or be picked up, for you to move forward?

Understanding your “why from above” will help keep you going in developing a new habit.

Are you ready to get out of the back seat and take control of your life?

What is one step you will take today?

Reviewing Bedtime Routines

Posted on October 5, 2015October 5, 2015 by Matthew Laker

Our Sleeping patterns effect our physical, mental, and spiritual lives. Not getting enough sleep tends to result in many negatives in our lives, such as lower creativity, depression, forgetfulness, and feeling far from God.

In the summer, my family and I often spend time at a friend’s cabin. I noticed this summer the whole family went to bed earlier than we would normally at home. Spending the day at the beach generally helped, but it was different. Why could I go to sleep earlier there and not at home? It forced me to look at my bedtime routines.

Here are a few of my observations and rhythms I am working on around my bedtime routine to get better sleep.

1. Shut off the TV and lights.

Helene Emsellem, MD and Taylor Bos, BA share – “Nonetheless, careful studies have shown that even our small electronic devices emit sufficient light to miscue the brain and promote wakefulness. As adults, we are subject to these influences and our children are particularly susceptible.” (https://sleepfoundation.org/ask-the-expert/electronics-the-bedroom)

I became more aware of this in my life at the cabin where there were no computers or TV.

Too much light before bed may prevent a good night sleep. At the cabin there is no light. It is dark. It is one of the things I love about the cabin. There is a connection to unnatural light cycles that can have consequences on our health, in this case, our sleep pattern. So shut out the lights.

2. Reading sometimes

This one is sometimes because I have had those moments I will get into the story, and do not want to put it down. However, I have noticed that reading does seem to relax my mind more. It is a calming activity that focuses the mind.

3. Soft music

When I was in high school I used to fall asleep with music, but I got away from that. This one can be hard if you share a room with someone else. You will also want it on a timer. When combining this with deep breathing and lying still, I find it very helpful. The music needs to be wordless, slow, and have a somewhat relaxing feel to it.

5. A piece of paper and pen

As we relax, our minds randomly remember things. I have, at times, come up with ideas for a work project while preparing for bed. This in itself is good, but right before bed it can be a challenge. So instead of leaving the idea to roll around in my mind, inevitably preventing rest, I will take a moment and write it down and then set it aside for the next day.

6. Prayer/meditation

This can also be a helpful tool in slowing your mind and body down.

I am working on consistent bedtime routines, because developing a bedtime routine will give me better sleep. The routine can train my body and mind for sleep and position myself for a better day and sleep. This results in getting the most out of my day.

What rhythms do you have?

What is one routine you do that is hurtful to your sleep?

What is one routine you do that is helpful?

Is it time for you to review your bedtime routines?

How a Life Plan Can Help

Posted on September 28, 2015March 13, 2016 by Matthew Laker

A good life plan will help you reflect on where you are and where you want to go. Years ago, as I sat in a coffee shop and was listening to a seminar, I first started thinking about life plans. The seminar took you through a process of reflecting on the past year and the year before you. The speaker did not speak about a life plan, but the questions he asked were very similar to a life plan. His questions made me start to ask, where do I want to go?

Here are three ways a life plan can help you:

a. If you do not take control of your life something or someone else will.

A life plan helps you move from the back seat of your life and take the driver seat. Your plan needs to be flexible enough to deal with changes in life, but also structured enough to keep you alive.

b. A life plan helps you reach your potential, your dreams, and your calling.

If you are going to build your house, you are going to need some plans. A life plan can work as a road map to help you reach the dreams you have. It is a strategic road map to move ahead.

c. It can be a spiritual discipline to realign your life to be what you were created for.

For followers of Jesus, a life plan can help us reflect. Are we staying connected to the vine? Susie Larson shares, “Days will fly by, and sacred moments will continue to elude us until we decide to hit the brakes and take inventory on what’s driving us.”

Creating a plan lets you hit the pause button and center yourself so you can fly.

Try this exercise:

Take a moment to reflect on your own life. Write down on a piece of paper different areas of your life such as career, relationships, health. On a scale of 1-10, how are you doing in these areas? Now go back and ask these two questions:

a. Where on the scale do I want to be in these areas?

b. If there is a gap between where you are and where you want to be, what needs to happen to move?

Here is a free resource to help you reflect on where you are at and where you want to go – Life Graph

Gone Fishing: Taking the Summer off

Posted on July 22, 2015June 29, 2015 by Matthew Laker

Gone fishing. That is the hope anyway. Over the summer of 2015 I will be entering a season of rest. We have had a number of changes in our life and will be taking some time to rest during the summer. I have decided as well to take a break from blogging. I may still write a little for the fall, but it will be a much slower speed for my family. This will be my last post until September 2015.

How do you take rest? What do you find restorative?

It is their fault or is the enemy closer?

Posted on July 8, 2015June 4, 2015 by Matthew Laker

Sometimes our own actions and attitudes are the greater enemy.

Yes, there is an enemy out there that is contributing to your problems. But, there is also an enemy that many of us are unwilling to consider.

There was an individual who once shared this story with me. ‘I was doing the dishes in our home and cleaning up. During this time I was getting upset with my spouse, and placing much blame. Then I asked myself the question, ‘What have I done to contribute to the situation? The individual added, ‘It was a sad realization though, of how much I was contributing to my own frustration, and bringing tension to the relationship.’

What if instead of searching out an enemy or blaming the enemy out there, we began to reflect on what “I” have done or are doing that has contributed to the perceived problem.

“There is in each of us a propensity to find someone or something outside ourselves to blame when things go wrong” The Fifth Discipline: The Art & Practice of The Learning Organization

We live in a time where we are very quick to blame others. Whenever there is a problem it is caused by the enemy out there. It is always someone else’s fault. Think about your relationships and when conflict comes, is your first thought they or I? When you have a business problem, is the first thought they or I?

At the beginning of the Biblical story we see Adam blaming Eve and Eve blaming the snake. We seem to try and transfer blame first, believing the enemy is out there.

We need to understand that the enemy is not always out there. We can perceive problems as externally caused, but what if our own actions and attitudes may be coming back to hurt us? I understand that sometimes we have done nothing to the enemy, and they are just lashing out at us and hurting us. However, I want to challenge the idea that it is someone else’s fault for how I reacted, or for my attitude.

This is important to understand because it can help defuse a heated argument. It can help us get unstuck and lead to personal growth. It can help your business by really understanding why something did not work out how you thought it should.

Understanding that the enemy is not always out there can lead to change that brings wholeness. Understanding that the enemy is not always out there can help you get out of the valley.

Some things to consider:

· Hit the Pause button – where can you take a deep breath and take steps back to see the full picture. This is self-evaluation.

Questions to ask:

How has your attitude contributed to the situation?
What actions have you taken that could have poured fuel on the fire?
Why do you think that person did that action or reacted in the way they did?
What attitudes and actions contributed to the problem?

Jesus put it this:

“Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye?” (Matthew 7:3)

This was not to say that the fault lies with you and you alone. In a way he is saying the enemy is not always out there. He is calling Jesus followers to understand how similar you are to that other person. At the same time, there is a reality check that you may not be able to change that other person, even if you point out their sin. You can however change yourself, and if you are going to point out a weakness or sin in another, be humble to take correction yourself.

By understanding this and asking the above questions, and by correcting your own contributions to a situation, you can take steps to greater wholeness and life success.

Do you have any great self-evaluation question to ask?