How does the gospel of Jesus shape our view of marriage?
Many things will shape our view of marriage. Most of the influence is broken down into two areas: Culture and personal family experience.
In the church, we often look at Ephesians 5 when we want to talk about marriage. This passage can challenge some individuals. The challenge is from some who have misused the passage for power trips, and our own struggles with idols and lies in our life.
Here are four foundation blocks of truths to help us understand how the gospel shapes our view of marriage:
1. The passage is not about marriage, but it is.
For many, the first thing they see in the passage is the marriage conversation that is taking place. However, this is not Paul’s main point, the gospel is.
The passage is all about the gospel, Jesus and the church. (Eph. 5:27, 32.)
I read a comment somewhere by Tim Keller along these lines: The gospel is the good news that the creator of life, God himself, comes to rescue us from sin, and renew all things in and through the work of Jesus on our behalf. He does this to establish his people and kingdom, calling his people to partner in the expanding and establishing of this kingdom.
2. Marriage is an illustration of the gospel.
Paul and other passages in scripture point to marriage, and use it as an illustration of the gospel at work. This illustration reveals how Jesus restricted his life to come and serve us, loving us enough to die in our place. It reveals the type of relationships we are to have with God. Such as one husband, and no other Gods are to be in our temple.
3. Marriage is about serving and submitting.
Many in the West may not want to hear this because of the idol that says marriage is about self. Paul shares how marriage is really about serving and helping the other person become all that God created them to be.
The submission conversation is actual a mutual submission that is taking place. The book, Love and Respect has a great diagram that relates well here.
As the husband loves his wife, the wife respects her husband. As the wife respects her husband, the husband loves his wife. In a healthy marriage, we see this circular pattern as an ongoing cycle.
Tim Keller shares in his book The Meaning of Marriage; “If two spouses each say, “I am going to treat my self-centeredness as the main problem in the marriage,” you have the prospect of a truly great marriage.”
The reason we are submitting to each other draws back to our relationship with Jesus, and out of reverence for Christ.
4. It is a Covenant Relationship.
Consumerism has entered every level of our lives. Our relationships are not immune to this, and it seeks to undermine those relationships. However, the idea of a covenant relationship in the biblical framework is one of sacrificial commitment for the good of the other. It recognizes there is both a horizontal and a vertical element..
Paul in Eph. 5:31 references Genesis 2. “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.”
The thought here is to cleave or literally glue yourself to the other and God. It is about making a promise of love for the future, not a declaration of how much I love you now. Scripture has a very high view of marriage and so should we. How does the gospel shape our view of marriage?
Marriage is an illustration of the gospel, and calls us to help the other person become who God created them to be.
In 2014, I gave a teaching on this. During the teaching, we also interviewed some couples about their marriage experience. You can listen to the sermon below.