sex – Matthew Laker

Say Yes to Sex: How Does the Gospel Shape Our View of Sex?

Posted on September 17, 2014September 6, 2014 by Matthew Laker

How does the gospel shape our view of sex? Before you can deal with your addiction to pornography, before brokenness can be brought to healing, before we can speak into our sex crazed culture, we must first establish a foundation for a biblical worldview of sex.

Largely, culture has shaped our view in this area. We are products of our culture, and this is not always a bad thing. However, to follow Jesus means we align our life with his.
How does the gospel shape our view of sex?

1. Sex is a good thing, but scarred by the fall.

Genesis 1:27 tells us that we bear the image of God. There is a connection to 2 Corinthians 6 in that we are temples of God. Genesis shares that this image in us, and every aspect of life, has become disordered, or missed the mark on what God intended. This means that today we see sex used for power, self-interest and identity.

Sex is a God initiated thing, it is more than procreation. In scripture, there is a book called “Song of Songs”, which is about the love between a husband and wife, and a sexual relationship. It bears a positive image.
What has happened is sex has become an ultimate. Sex was never intended to be about power or identity, and even though it feels good, it was not even about self-interest.
Jesus came to bring restoration to our lives, and this includes our sex lives sexuality.

2. Sex is for marriage.

The scriptures are clear that sex is to be saved for a marriage relationship. In 1 Cor. 6:12-20, Paul shares that those who have sex outside of marriage will not inherit the Kingdom of God. Notice however, it is not so much the act, as it is they have rejected God. Essentially, they have said, “God you are not good enough, sex is”. Because of this, they do not honour God with their bodies; they do not want anything to do with God.
Paul however reminds us that you have a new identity. These things once defined you, but you accepted and received God’s grace and are now set apart instead of called out..
Tim Keller writes “Sex affects our heart, our inward being, not just our body. Sin, which is first and foremost a disorder of the heart, therefore has a big impact on sex. Our passions and desires for sex now are very distorted. Sex is for whole-life self-giving. However, the sinful heart wants to use sex for selfish reasons, not self-giving, and therefore the Bible puts many rules around it to direct us to use it in the right way. 1 The Christian sex ethic can be summarized like this: Sex is for use within marriage between a man and woman.” (Keller, Timothy (2011-11-01). The Meaning of Marriage: Facing the Complexities of Commitment with the Wisdom of God (pp. 212-213). Penguin Group US. Kindle Edition.)

3. Sex is a reminder of belonging.

The gospel calls us to sex within marriage. It is a way to honour God, but also our spouse. Look again at 1 Corinthians 6:20 and 7:4. There is an understanding that sex is a gift that is not for anyone else, but for the person we are married to. Sex becomes a renewing of the marriage covenant.
As we would surrender to Jesus, as he alone is the God of our temple, so too do we declare in sex to our spouse that we are committed to him/her alone. Our spouse is not a piece of property for our own purposes. Sex is about serving the other person instead of seeking self-interest.
We are not directed to sexual abstinence because we have a low view of marriage or sex, but because we have a lofty one.

4. Sex has emotional, physical and spiritual uniting elements to it.

As we look at the text and the wording of “one flesh.” It is more than just a physical uniting. One leaves a piece of them self with that person. The one flesh is about uniting not just physically, but all areas of one’s life. If we are not going to do that, do not become naked before each other.

Where do we go from here?

a. Let Jesus followers create and be a community practising a new sex ethic.

In this community, the consumerism of sex and material values in our world do not hold.

b. Married People.

Take some time and talk about sex and the role it plays in your marriage.

c. A Call For Renewal in Holiness.

We need to be careful of not letting something else become good news for us. For some you have removed Jesus as the centre of your temple, and are looking elsewhere for what Christ can only give you. Unless we understand this, and that Jesus is good news, we will not honour God with our bodies.
So think about renewing your commitment to Jesus, and receive his forgiveness and grace in your life. Even if you have not been aligned with God’s will, choose to walk the road today

Listen to a sermon from March 2, 2014 on this topic.

How The Gospel Shapes Our View of Marriage.

Posted on September 10, 2014August 30, 2014 by Matthew Laker

How does the gospel of Jesus shape our view of marriage?

Many things will shape our view of marriage. Most of the influence is broken down into two areas: Culture and personal family experience.
In the church, we often look at Ephesians 5 when we want to talk about marriage. This passage can challenge some individuals. The challenge is from some who have misused the passage for power trips, and our own struggles with idols and lies in our life.

Here are four foundation blocks of truths to help us understand how the gospel shapes our view of marriage:

1. The passage is not about marriage, but it is.

For many, the first thing they see in the passage is the marriage conversation that is taking place. However, this is not Paul’s main point, the gospel is.

The passage is all about the gospel, Jesus and the church. (Eph. 5:27, 32.)
I read a comment somewhere by Tim Keller along these lines: The gospel is the good news that the creator of life, God himself, comes to rescue us from sin, and renew all things in and through the work of Jesus on our behalf. He does this to establish his people and kingdom, calling his people to partner in the expanding and establishing of this kingdom.

2. Marriage is an illustration of the gospel.

Paul and other passages in scripture point to marriage, and use it as an illustration of the gospel at work. This illustration reveals how Jesus restricted his life to come and serve us, loving us enough to die in our place. It reveals the type of relationships we are to have with God. Such as one husband, and no other Gods are to be in our temple.

3. Marriage is about serving and submitting.

Many in the West may not want to hear this because of the idol that says marriage is about self. Paul shares how marriage is really about serving and helping the other person become all that God created them to be.

The submission conversation is actual a mutual submission that is taking place. The book, Love and Respect has a great diagram that relates well here.
As the husband loves his wife, the wife respects her husband. As the wife respects her husband, the husband loves his wife. In a healthy marriage, we see this circular pattern as an ongoing cycle.

Tim Keller shares in his book The Meaning of Marriage; “If two spouses each say, “I am going to treat my self-centeredness as the main problem in the marriage,” you have the prospect of a truly great marriage.”

The reason we are submitting to each other draws back to our relationship with Jesus, and out of reverence for Christ.

4. It is a Covenant Relationship.

Consumerism has entered every level of our lives. Our relationships are not immune to this, and it seeks to undermine those relationships. However, the idea of a covenant relationship in the biblical framework is one of sacrificial commitment for the good of the other. It recognizes there is both a horizontal and a vertical element..

Paul in Eph. 5:31 references Genesis 2. “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.”

The thought here is to cleave or literally glue yourself to the other and God. It is about making a promise of love for the future, not a declaration of how much I love you now. Scripture has a very high view of marriage and so should we. How does the gospel shape our view of marriage?

Marriage is an illustration of the gospel, and calls us to help the other person become who God created them to be.

In 2014, I gave a teaching on this. During the teaching, we also interviewed some couples about their marriage experience. You can listen to the sermon below.

Dating, Singleness, Marriage, Sex and Jesus

Posted on August 25, 2014March 5, 2015 by Matthew Laker

How does the Gospel shape our view and practice of Dating, Singleness, Marriage, and Sex?

For many of us the culture of our family and country we live in shape our view and practice of dating, singleness, marriage, and sex. There is much good we can learn from our culture around these topics. However, Jesus calls us to a new way that involves, at moments, a very different motivation and perspective around these topics

In response to many conversations, I have put together a series of posts in hopes to provide some foundation to a continual healthy conversation in the life of the church in these areas.

Here are a few questions for reflection: