5 Tips for informal coaching mentoring

Posted on May 25, 2016May 25, 2016 by Matthew Laker

Making disciples starts by one person informally or formally investing in another.

The coaching/mentoring is a relational experience through which one person journeys with another by sharing God-given resources. It is understood chiefly as coming alongside someone and offering them support, accountability, and a listening ear in any and all aspects of life. Each experience has clearly defined start and finish times. The goal is to help the other person fully enter, engage and experience the life they were created for.

It carries the idea of formal relationships. However, I have come to understand that we all have many informal opportunities to invest in people’s lives.

5 Tips for informal coaching-mentoring

1. It’s not about you –

Often we can see people only as their value to help us reach our own personal goals. The life that Jesus us calls us to is a life that helps others be all they were created to be.

“For everyone looks out for his own interests, not those of Jesus Christ” Philippians 2:21

2. Listen –

In a world of many distractions and anxiety, we struggle to simply slow down and listen to people. Often people are guarded in what they say and there are good reasons for this. This being said, people will often give hints about what is really going on beyond the surface of their life–the life that society sees. However if we do not take a listening posture we miss much of what is going on. Listen with the intention to hear the story and driving forces in people’s lives.

Sometimes the biggest investment we will make is being a listening ear.

3. Make time for relationships –

It all amazes me in the church as people gather on a Sunday morning. Many rush off as soon as the service is over. Now most of our buildings are not designed well for developing relationships. However, people often do not give margin in their life to make time for relationships. To fulfill the great commission we need to make time for relationships. Some of the great conversation we see Jesus in come as he bumps into people during the day.

4. Learn to ask good questions. –

This is a hard one and often only comes with practice. There is always a need to develop discernment if this is the right time to ask deeper questions or a least one that is going to bring further conversation.

Asking good questions helps the person process which then keeps the focus on them. This is not about you giving the answers, even if you know what they should do. It is about helping them discover. There can be time to give advice and often it will be invited.

5. Pray –

Take time to pray with people. Like the guys in Mark 2 who lowered the man through the roof of someone’s house in order to get him to Jesus. Prayer is about taking people to Jesus.

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As followers of Jesus, we all will have an opportunity for informal investment in others. Opportunities for the great commission come every week. However, you need to be intentional and full of grace.

5 Benefits of mentoring in the Church and life

Posted on May 20, 2016May 18, 2016 by Matthew Laker

Mentoring has had a big impact upon my life. I have had more informal mentoring than formal, but either way have appreciated those who have invested in me.

Together with the church community at Sunnyside Wesleyan Church in Ottawa, we wrestled on how to best produce systems of formal and informal mentoring/discipleship relationships. We saw mentoring as a way to walk with another person so as to support and encourage them in their faith. To put this into practice, we connected new believers with a mentor for one year as well as connected those who made steps of Baptism with a mentor. Some asked for a mentor to help work through a certain issue in their life. It was not without its challenges, but we have heard some great stories of people entering, engaging and experiencing the life God has called them to in a deeper way.

Each relationship had a start and end date and people on average met once a month. One of our challenges was we somehow combined the roles of life coaching, mentoring, and discipleship into one. Even with the challenges though, I still believe in the power of this type of mentoring.

No matter what you call it

I see five benefits of mentoring.

1. Reality check

This can be the biggest help we can give people when we invest in them. Helping people understand where they are at and where they need to go is foundational to mentorship/coaching/discipleship.

2. Talking it out is just good

I have seen this time and time again in my own life. As I talk through a situation with someone, it helps me process and bring a clarity of its own. Often the mentor does not even have to say much, just get the person talking and ask good questions.

3. Act like a Lighthouse

A mentor has the ability from life experience to help reveal things the mentee may not see at this point in their journey. The challenge is for the one being mentored to trust and evaluate the words of the mentor.

4. Investing in others, helps you grow.

Not everyone is ready to do full on mentoring, but everyone can invest in someone. As I have invested in others and watched others do it, I have seen that all individuals are challenged but they can always grow in faith and life.

Mark 10:45 “For even the Son of Man came not to be served but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many.”

5. Great way to make disciples.

It may not be the most efficient or the fastest way of making disciples, however, when we look at the life of Jesus, he spent more time with 12, and even more time with 3 of that 12. I would be willing to bet some of the biggest impacts for the kingdom of God have come from smaller communities and one on ones. People spending time with people.

Do you want to experience the kingdom of God? Do you want to see the kingdom of God?

Then make time to invest in other people.

Jesus said “Teach them to obey the commands I have given.” One of the best ways I know of is one person leading and guiding another person. It is not going to happen fast and it is a journey.

I would love to hear your thoughts and experiences. Do you have any questions about mentorship?

Reflection from the Gathering 2015

Posted on January 19, 2015January 19, 2015 by Matthew Laker

I was able to get some time away and attend an event called the “Gathering 2015”. It is a gathering of Wesleyan church leaders from across North America. This was my first time attending such an event, and my hope was to use it as a time of reflection, sleep and to hear from God. As a bit of a personal reflection, I thought I would blog about some of what I took away with me.

First there are many take aways that I wrote down, but trying to narrow to the top few was hard. Here are my top three things I took away from the Gathering 2015 (Wesleyan Church). These are not in any particular order.

1. God is more concerned in making me new then the “formal” ministry I call my “day-job”. There is a lot more around this thought, but I really enjoyed Kyle Ray’s closing conference session, where he was able to sum up my thoughts. . He spoke to the “Made-new” theme and challenged us from the apostles’ Peter’s life. If God broke Peter of fear in order to work through him, and bring him to a place of ministry, then what will he break in me?”
“You have been made new and he is still making you new.” (Kyle Ray) This thought also implies there is the need to allow the gospel (Jesus) to transform my life. Do I really know Jesus? The more I do, the more I see how far I still have to go. Thank God for grace and mercy.

2. Laurel Buckingham led a short seminar on over- coming. He spoke of the reality and danger of insecurity. I could totally relate, how about you? He shared this great statement that will be with me for some time. “My success does not depend on others’ response to me, as it depends on my response to people’s response to me”

3. Ken Murphy shared about three places of inspiration. The short end of what he shared was a) Look to the father, b) Look to the team, c) Look to the possibility of what could be. When God gets involved anything is possible, the seeds planted are not in vain.

It was a good trip. As I get to know the Wesleyan tribe of Jesus followers better, I am excited about what I see taking place.

I am thankful for this time away, for the extra sleep, and for what God has planned ahead. Thanks to the Wesleyan church, Sunnyside Wesleyan Church and my wife and kids for allowing me to go.

Understanding the Second Coming of Jesus – Matthew 24

Posted on November 28, 2014January 9, 2015 by Matthew Laker

Jesus said that he would come back. What did Jesus teach about this coming and what we call the “end of time”? There have been so many predictions and timeline-building, but what did Jesus actually teach?

In my life I have gotten caught up in end time frenzy of books and conversation,. only to become confused, full of questions. There are many passages in scripture that speak about an end time. Quite honestly, they are confusing and I am convinced not as easy to understand as some have come to believe.

As a follower of Jesus, I understand that our faith is about salvation of past sins and eternal life. However, it is not just about an end destination. Even in the midst of talking about end times, Jesus was very concerned how we were living now. There is a danger in Christianity of just living for heaven, or as I got my ticket, and missing out on much that Jesus taught about life.

This series of posts is going to provide short reflections on the Second Coming of Jesus, and the end times. To help narrow the conversation for better refection, the posts will be based on Jesus’ conversation in Matthew 24. The Second Coming conversation is one that has frustrated me, and exited me at moments.

What questions do you have around this passage or topic?

Series: The Second coming according to Matthew 24

Part 1, Part 2, Part 3

Why Go to Church?

Posted on November 19, 2014November 15, 2014 by Matthew Laker

Why go to church?

Behind such a question is a need to understand the purpose of church. We live in an age with information at our finger tips so why would we go to church?” Some might think, ‘I can gain good information without having to go anywhere.’ However, church is more than just information. Kenneth Schak shares in his post what pastors should know about the bible: “The bible is not just about information but transformation.”

The same can be said about the church. It is a people who have embraced the gospel of Jesus, and who bear witness to the gospel, and who act as a catalyst for transformation not only in their own lives but also in the lives of others. In the West, we struggle with the stereotype that going to church is about a building and meaningless ritual. However, this is not Jesus’ intention.

Ephesians 2:10 “His intent was that now, through the church, the manifold wisdom of God should be made known to the rulers and authorities in the heavenly realms”

From the beginning, in Genesis, God has called a people to be in relationship with him and each other, and be his witness and stewards of his creation/kingdom.

Therefore, three reasons to “Go to Church” are:

1. We are called to be together.

2. The intention is that the “Jesus community” becomes a place for the fruit of the spirit to be developed in each of us. .

3. We bear witness together.

John 13:35 – By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.”

Perhaps it is the wrong question to ask “Why go to church.” Implied in the question is a certain form or expression. A better question to ask is, “What is the purpose of the church?”

The gathering of God’s people in a local setting is part of our new identity as disciples of Jesus. The shape of that will look different over the years.

To follow Jesus means to gather with his people.

What do you find to be the joys and challenge of the spiritual discipline of gathering with Jesus followers?