Growing up, the topic of dating, as a follower of Jesus, was always “do this not this”. There was never much talk or teaching around understanding how the gospel shapes our view of dating. As followers of Jesus, how do we approach this topic/activity differently?
I am certain that the question growing up for me was never asked, how the gospel shape my view of dating. The message was, “Do not have sex, find someone you like who is a believer, good luck”
It was not until after I was married, and speaking with people who are dating that I started to ask, “Just how does the gospel impact our understanding and practice of singleness, dating, sex, and marriage?”
How does the gospel shape our view of dating? Here are three forces at work in shaping our view.
1. Beware of the Idol of Romantic Relationships
Our culture shapes our view on dating and relationships. Passion, lust, and selfishness rule in many lives. Even after getting control in these areas, one will still from time to time have to deal with them. The roots of those battles are connected to idols in our lives.
Do you look to a relationship or a person and say only they make me feel valuable? Do you think when I have a relationship then I will be okay? Beware of the Romance idol.
2. The Bible Does Not Speak Directly About Dating.
There is no biblical history on dating. We can talk about marriage, and find teaching about marriage throughout scripture. We cannot find teaching on finding a spouse. Jesus never said this is how far sexually you can go with the opposite sex before it is too far. We do not have a recorded teaching of Jesus sitting with the disciples and sharing, “So here are the five things to do to find a spouse”. Often the concept of dating has been more influenced by culture in the church, then looking to the gospel for influence.
3. World View Matters
If Jesus is the centre of your life, then as a follower of Jesus, when you make a major decision you are thinking about God. If the other person has a different world-view, they are not going to understand that. You will have to hide much from them. This is not what any one wants in a relationship. Your values and driving forces will be different.
2 Corinthians 6:14 “Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common.”
Yes the passage is not a mandate against dating a non-Christian, but a strong statement that it’s not a good direction. Non-Christians have a different king in their lives.
2 Corinthians 6:14-7:1, reminds us that Jesus is to sit at the centre in our temple. Assuming that you are dating in order to find spouse, the biblical understanding of marriage is that you unite your two lives together. The two temples are to come together and Christ is to be the centre. However, if the two temples are of two different gods, Christ cannot be the centre.
Worldview matters.
3. Identity is in Jesus
In 2 Corinthians 6:16 it says “What agreement is there between the temple of God and idols? For we are the temple of the living God. As God has said: ‘I will live with them and walk among them and I will be their God, and they will be my people.”
Now you may read this and think, ‘Come on this sounds old fashioned’. However, what God is doing is reminding us that Heis the centre of our life. What that means is, as a follower of Jesus, our identity comes from Jesus. Our identity is not to come from the relationship or the other person, but from Jesus.
Now these are three truths for understanding how the gospel shapes our view of dating. I will leave with you the challenge of practically starting to work these out in your life. Yes, there are questions not answered here. Finding a spouse can be a hard journey.
Do you have any practical advise? Share below in the comments.