Being a hero, when the story is not about us

Being a hero, when the story is not about us

Posted on by Matthew Laker

Some times we have to be a hero, but the story is about another hero.   One of the things I have learned in life is that there are no lone rangers. Every successful person, on top of just dumb luck, has had people help them.  

In the movie and story “Lord of the Rings,”  Samwise is a hero, but the story is not about him.  The story is about Frodo’s quest to destroy the ring of power.  The character of Samwise is great and heroic. He spends himself for Frodo’s success.

I wonder what that looks likes in our homes, with our families, at work.  Are there things that call us to heroism even though we might not be the central part of the story.  

Heor’s have integrity.

Heros stand up for themselves. 

Heros are ok with not being in the limelight.  

I interviewed a group of men and asked who has been an influencer in your life.  

Each shared with me about someone or a group of someones, that showed them a new way and took an interest in their life.  Often it was not filled with fireworks, sometimes perhaps, but many times not.  It was simple, consistent, faithful.  

Perhaps you are in a chapter of your story, intersecting with other people’s stories, and you are not the hero.  A true hero is ok with that because they know life is not all about them.  

Some questions that may help for this moment of the journey?

What are you learning about yourself right now?

What are about the role you play?

Where do you need to stand up for yourself, with integrity?

How can you be content but still work on your goals?  

We all need to be a hero for someone who will you, be one for today?

Weekly sit down – Family Routine

Weekly sit down – Family Routine

Posted on by Matthew Laker

Weekly sit down – Family Routine 

What is one thing you are doing right now that is not helping your family or life succeed? 

What systems do you have in your family home to keep your family on track and help with communication? 

There are two habits that my wife and I work at that seem to be helping stay focused. 

First, both of us, at times, would be frustrated with the other because of perceived unsuspected appointments or meetings. Many times the one with the meeting (me) new about it, but my wife also wanted to do something else. At times I as well got frustrated at going here and there and wanted to try and think more strategic with or coming and going. One of my reason for that was to allow my day off to be just that. I hated days off that I was running here and there.  

The first habit we started was using google calendar together. We gave access to each other’s digital calendar so that we could see what the other one had planned or needed to be. It helped, for example, with things like booking dentist appointments and who could take one of our kids. We still have our bumps, but it has proved helpful.  

The Second habit that I requested was weekly meetings where we go through our week. I was struggling with the unexpected trips here and there and trying to get better at planning our week. The other piece this was it gave us space to talk.  

We try about the same time each week to meet. There are four things we do at this time. 

  1. We walk through the week ahead. Literal, we look at each day and where we will be and what needs to happen. We talk about who is taking a kid here or there or when will I be home.  
  2. We meal plan. This was not part of the original plan, but we added, and we work better when we have a meal plan for the week. There are so many benefits to meal planning. For us, this means writing down what we will eat each night for meals. 
  3. We have space to talk about life. Some times we are just at the kitchen table. Other times we leave the kids and grab a coffee together, and it has been a good experience for us. 

 As we look to enter, engage, experience the life we were created for, that does not come at the expense of our relationships. Relationships are essential to success in life.

What about you?

What is something you can do to help your family succeed?  

Having a weekly sit down helps me define my focus for the week and what

Stupid things we do

Stupid things we do

Posted on by Matthew Laker

I was listening to a part of a talk by Jordan Peterson. He gave a great question that we need to ask now and then.  

“What remarkable stupid things am I doing on a regular basis to absolutely screw up my life.”

-Jordan Peterson

My experience has been most of us do not take a look at our life and take responsibility for our choices. Too often, we blame other people and forget the power that we do have. 

Remember your habits and attitude as you look at establishing your goals and creating a plan to reach them.   Remember, your habits and your attitude are where the power is that will direct your life.  

It is about what we choose. We often fail to recognize what we are getting from the thing that is not good for us. It is meeting a need, even if it does not push us in the direction we want. 

So what is one stupid thing that you are doing that is screwing up your life that you will begin to change and create a new habit.  

Your habits help build a strong bridge to where we want to go?

Why do you need to change this?

What rhythm do you need to develop to move into a new habit?

Happy New. 

Worry less about motivation and think habits

Worry less about motivation and think habits

Posted on by Matthew Laker

I have been thinking about motivation. How do we find it? Do we need it? What is the definition of motivation?  

The dictionary definition of motivation carries with it the idea of our reason or why that pushes us forward.  

One might ask what motivated them to do that? A good question as it gets to the why of a movement. 

In everyday conversation, however, some might say I need to find the motivation to get this done. As if it is like some extraordinary power out there, we need to drum up. But what if that is the wrong road?

Now hear me finding the why to our goal or task I believe to be necessary. Any time I sit down with someone to help them develop goals, often I will ask why is that important?  

I am wondering what if it is less about finding motivation, and has more to do with developing habits and rhythms and routines that lead to the goal we want to reach.  

I suspect for many people. It is in the routine or rhythms of life that distract us and take us off course. It is not an easy task to develop a new habit or to do something a different way. Many times it can hurt, at least in the short term.  

As I write this, I am wondering what if it is habits that lead to motivation. An object can sit still and never move, but an object in motion generally stays that way. There is even the possibility it can increase. A question we most likely need to ask is short term routine do I need to change or adapt or schedule to start to move me in a direction.  

At this point, I am wondering, so how do I make the starting point easier?

This idea also means I do not sit around for something to inspire me, I know my reason, and so schedule a habit.  

I may have to work through my obstacles, but those are not there because of a lack of motivation.  

What are one or two habits over the next 30 days you need to implement to reach your goal?  

What do you think? Is it motivation or habits?